So let me get this straight. The FDA announces prescription sleeping drugs like Lunesta can cause people to do things in their sleep they have no memory of later like waking up in bed covered in candy wrappers or snapping to just as you pull your Hummer onto the interstate and the company's stock GOES UP FOUR CENTS?!?!
How is that possible? You've got a pill that turns people into Alzheimer's patients and somebody makes money on that?
Yesterday, the FDA took the bold step of asking drug companies to put stronger warning labels on the bottles. What kind of warning label could you possibly put on there?
Caution: We have no idea what this thing will do to you but we know you'll be asleep when it happens.
I'M NOT TAKING ANY PILL WHERE I'M GOING TO WAKE UP THREE DAYS LATER NAKED ON A MEXICAN GAME SHOW!!!
Why don't these drugs ever make you do stuff that's good? Does anyone ever wake up and go, "Hey, who painted the living room?" No, you always wake up in a park doing shots of Windex and sucking on a 2,000 Flushes toilet puck!
How did these pills even get on the market? Didn't they notice something funny in the clinical trials? "We found 12% of our patients woke up in the forest spooning a moose, 3% woke up pole dancing in Barbados, and one guy we found naked driving the 9 bus to Longview."
At what point did the doctors go, "Well, you gotta expect stuff like that with sleeping pills"? Hey Doc, what's the over-under on me waking up on a tuna boat in Thailand tomorrow morning? Why is the FDA letting these things stay on the market? I don't need another warning label, man. I NEED A PILL THAT MAKES ME GO NIGHT-NIGHT WITHOUT BARBECUING THE
CAT!
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