What the hell is going on with McDonald's? They just came out with the biggest burger they've ever had. It's called The Third Pounder and it's got 340 more calories than a Big Mac. ARGH!
How much bigger are these pant blasters going to get? Do I just stick it on the steering column and drive around eating it all day? Meat pimps! I'm already powerless in the presence of the quarter pounder. Now I gotta deal with a bloody elk haunch in my face?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE RONALD MCDONALD SNEAK UP IN THE PARKING LOT AND TAKE ME FROM BEHIND!!! I'll suck the marrow from Ray Kroc's bones before I get hooked on another super-sized lard barge. My girlfriend's already pissed off at me 'cause my underwear smells like tater tots. Well, what do you want them to smell like? Lollipops and lemon drops? Excuse me for not hooking up the bamboo steamer in the handicapped stall. I gotta eat, woman! 
The whole country smells like tot farts. We can't help it. We're addicted. A Big Mac is smack on a bun. I got stuck behind a blue whale in the drive-thru yesterday and I didn't even have the energy to yell, "HEY LADY, SHUT YOUR BLOWHOLE! JUST SAY #2 VALUE MEAL AND HIT THE GAS!" I couldn't even form the words. All I could think of was that sweaty fist of meat and cheese up there in a bag with my name on it.
So go ahead, McDonald's. Give me the MegaBun Patty McStroke. I don't care. It takes a big bucket of nards to give planet fatty one more reason to blow out our button-flies. You know we can't fight it. Gimme two Pounders, a lap band and a Lipitor milkshake. NO I DON'T WANT TO SUPERSIZE IT!
1 comments:
It's the McParents' fault!
The drive-thru is much easier than getting-up off their lazy fat arses and actually cooking something healthy for their kids' dinner.
I really don't know how anyone can eat at Micky-D's. It is absolutely disgusting...the grease, the salt, the soft mushy consistancy of all the food. Yech!
Years ago; their french fries were excellent until they changed what they cooked them in. After that, even my dog wouldn't eat them.
They are so bad, France should demand that they change the name to some-other kind of fries.
Then there's that slimey orange stuff that they have the nerve to call "cheese", which they put on everything unless you specifically tell them not to.
I think I'm gonna be ill just thinking about it.
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