The Gap's profit is down 35%? Good. That's what you get for dressing America in the most emasculating fashion trend since rainbow suspenders. Especially the children's clothes. How long would your son last on the playground wearing this?
Kids who wear clothes like this say things like, "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" and "Mother will be disappointed." DO NOT MAKE YOUR SON WEAR ARGYLE SWEATERS! There are only two career paths for little boys who wear Gap clothes: hairdresser and serial killer.
And does Gap think kids actually run around the house doing this:
Uh, no. They don't. Unless they forgot to take their Ritalin. Nobody rocks out in khaki shorts and a blazer. This is what happens when you raise your kids on Rafi and Wiggles CD's. Why don't you just send him to school with a handbag and scrunchies? This company alone is responsible for the poodlefication of America's youth. Hey soccer mom! Your kid is not a collectible so don't dress him like one! WHY IS THIS KID WEARING A LOOSENED TIE? ARE YOU TRYING TO INCREASE HIS DRUG USE?
Do you know what this kid is wearing under his khaki shorts? Underwear that warps his DNA.
These aren't sold in BabyGap. This is what you're supposed to make your 12-year-old wear. Sea Turtle Underpants! I had no idea Gap was selling birth control. Even the Little Mermaid's boyfriend wouldn't wear these things. ARE YOU TRYING TO CIRCUMCISE HIM AGAIN??? You know what the Menendez brothers were wearing when they were arrested? Sea turtle underpants.
What took Robert Fisher so long to give former CEO Paul Pressler the boot? Did he think Froggy-Went-A-Courtin' boxers were going to make a comeback? When was the last time Pressler even set foot in a Gap store? Has this guy been in a mall in the last 10 years? Who the hell buys a tie like this?
Nobody, unless you're planning on joining the Asian sex trade. There is no other use for this tie.
Pressler must have been having flashbacks to his old job running Disneyland. He couldn't possibly have ingested enough drugs to buy a whole shipping container of pink striped ties. But why did Gap go headhunting in the Magic KIngdom? Did they happen to see how Pressler dressed his employees in Anaheim?
I really don't care if Gap goes the way of Blockbuster and Krispy Kreme. Most Gap customers drive Beemers and own a full set of grapefruit spoons. I couldn't care less of they have to go somewhere else to buy their wrinkled knickers.In fact, I'm kind of enjoying the Collapse of Khaki. Aren't you tired of everyone looking like a Kennedy? If you live in Kansas City you don't get to pretend you belong to the yacht club. Time to find another superficial fashion trend to spend your money on America!
10 comments:
Dear Angry Stockbroker.
Could you tell me where the Gap Accountant buys his clothes? My like!! Are the sweat bands around his knees functional? Do they actually absorb sweat that would have migrated from his crotch down his thighs all the way to his feet? (Thus preventing southward fungal migration and cutting down on the kind of distinct food odor that can only come with a sandal full of ball sweat.) Or are the knee bands merely accessories, put there for a dash of color and flare, like those breathe right strips. Any information you have, or whatever you can pull out of your butt, would be aprreciated and believed.
Sincerely,
SoylentG
Sorry about the above. It had a, *gasp*, spelling error in it and I just hate that! LOL!
So here is the corrected version:
Whats a grapefruit spoon? LOL!
Seriously, Mr. Angry, you need a "Donate" button! My gawd!!! Hilarious!!!!!!
Oh my!
Whew!
Love it...adore you. But you already knew that. ;)
Now, get crackin' on that "Donate" button! You will make millions I tell ya! Millions!
Donate button? What's that? How do I get one of those??
Dear Angry,
I believe there's a spare Donate Button sewn inside the navy Gap blazer that my son refused to wear......
I'll send it to you before I "donate" the jacket. Once you have the "magic" button, you'll make millions like all of the other stock bloggers! And to think, I will be the one that set you on the path to success!
P.S. TG, I am shocked that you don't know what a grapefruit spoon is! California and healthy living and all that rot.... LOL!
Laura!!!
HAHAHAHAHA! That's funny about your son! I learned a long time ago to never shop for mine. You would think it would be easy cause all he wears is black shirts, black pants, black jackets... but NO!!! They have to be particular styles of black blah blahs! hehehe
btw, I loved the Gary Larson comic with the cyclops eating the grapefruit! Heck, I love all of Gary's stuff! hehehehehe
And don't worry, Mr. Angry can have my "donate" button. Seeing how it hasn't seen one friggen cent, maybe he will get more use out of it than me!
LOL!
Yeah, what is it about black clothes? My son wears black no matter how hot it is outside. He ends up smelling like an alley behind a Denny's. Whew. Stinky teenage boy sweat. Jesus. I gotta drive around with all the windows down and my head hanging out like a dog.
Same here on the black clothes. My son's favorite t-shirt says "I'm only wearing black until they invent something darker."
So, from the 2 comments above, it would appear that black is the new black.
hehe
Yes, I'm sure black is the new black. But I think it's called Noir now. My kid is into Rumpled Noir with a dusting of bread crumbs and spaghetti sauce.
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