This morning I was eating a hearty breakfast of Frosted Mini Wheats and leftover pizza when I came across Kraft's (KFT) plan to help me lose 10 pounds. Now maybe I'm still recovering from the rum balls and wine-soaked corndogs from the night before but how does replacing two meals a day with cereal help me lose weight? Especially if you're eating SUGAR POPPIN' DADDY SMACKS OR WHATEVER THE HELL MY KID TRICKED ME INTO BUYING!!!
Then I looked further and saw that they didn't want me eating the little puffy sugar bombs they sold me last week. Instead I had to eat one of their "Post Health Classics" cereals. So I log onto www.Eat2Lose10.com and what do I see? A BOX OF FROSTED MINI WHEATS!
Hey, that's a great diet, Professor Corn Syrup. Three bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats a day. DOES IT COME WITH AN INSULIN DRIP YOU MONGOLOID?!?! Why don't you just drop all your customers into a giant C&H sugar silo and let us eat our way out?
If you look closely you'll see you have other choices like Grape Nuts. Oh, good. Grape Nuts. Is there a dental plan inside? Has anyone every gotten to the bottom of a bowl of Grape Nuts? It feels like I'm eating rocks from the bottom of my fish tank. It's impossible to eat more than two ounces of Grape Nuts without getting TMJ. That's why you lose weight. You gotta pound through a mountain like John Henry to get the stuff down!
Stay tuned. More dirt on the Amazing "Watch Your Blood Sugar Skyrocket Like a Titan 3 Missile" diet.
5 comments:
I have to agree with you on the grape nuts comment. It's like packing a gizzard with rocks.
Ha, I knew there must be more people out there who felt the same way about Grape Nuts. Don't know how the keep selling them.
I love this one. Using common sense to pitch a product. Pure cocaine in the right doses will give you all the vim and/or vigor you'll need to get through those chocolate cravings! KEEP WRITING!
Thanks for the compliment Anony. I need to hear that every now and then. It's hard to tell if anyone's reading sometimes.
The computer is powered up. I have wine tonight. The funny will be up by midnight.
Thanks for the compliment Anony. I need to hear that every now and then. It's hard to tell if anyone's reading sometimes.
The computer is powered up. I have wine tonight. The funny will be up by midnight.
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