Help Neuter America's Youth

Street, what are you doing? Are we in a fight? Why do you hate my little ONT? Last year we were at 0.7, today we're at 1.50. If Proctor & Gamble doubled their price in that amount of time my broker would be sending me underage Laotian hookers for Christmas. Merrill Lynch interns would be snorting Folgers crystals and shaving 50-day moving averages into their neck hair.

Who are these mysterious analysts The Street is consulting? Did they interrupt somebody's mahjongg game to ask a bunch of yentas what they think of GM's P/E ratio? How do they come to these conclusions? KNOT's stock going down faster than my Aunt Mona in an earthquake and The Street's peddling it like it's the last bean in Taco Bell.

Do you even know what these guys do, Street? I'll tell you what they do. They make video compression software so that teenagers can watch YouTube videos of other kids riding their bikes down stairs and hand rails. And why do I want teenagers watching dangerous stunts? So that more teenagers will go out and do those stunts and SMASH THEIR NUTS ON A PONTIAC TRAILER HITCH!

At least twice a week some 15-year-old on a bike screams up behind me on the sidewalk at 200 mph scaring the hell out of me and causing a little drop of pee to leak out. If ONT can develop the technology to bring stem cell rejects like Johnny Knoxville to the phones and iPods of America's teenagers maybe we can get more of these kids jumping off their parents' garages and driving their testicles up into their kidneys.

Sure, I know it's cruel to trick kids into hurting themselves but we're not talking about the best and the brightest here. We're talking about genome castoffs like this kid:



We've got to keep America's mongoloids from breeding! Think of it as Presexual Abortion. Or birth control if it was a contact sport. Honestly, do we want this guy peeing in the gene pool?



Please support ONT as much as possible. Buy their stock, send them cookies, tag your local schoolyard with their ticker symbol. Whatever it takes to help natural selection take it's course and keep The Angry Stockbroker from peeing his pants while he walks down the street.