Coke Ignores Human Rights Violations. Continues to Sell TAB

One thing I love about big business is their efforts to keep their finger on the pulse of the nation. Sometimes they're right on, but other times they miss the pulse entirely and stick their finger up your nose, in your eye, and occasionally jam both fingers up their own butt.

Last year, Coke, in the middle of a nine-year slide toward carbonated impotence, decided to bring back TAB. Yes, TAB. You remember TAB, right? TAB is the Bea Arthur of diet sodas. It's horrible! If TAB was in the Special Olympics it wouldn't even get a hug.

TAB did this to me

How many investors is Coke water boarding by bringing back the worst soda in the history of fizzy drinks?!?! I defy anyone to come up with a worse soft drink. It can't be done. TAB TASTES LIKE WILFORD BRIMLEY'S ORDOR EATER!!! What the hell is in this stuff? Thalidomide?

This man's mother drank four ounces of TABin third week of pregnancy

What corporate gasbag decided TAB was going to be the thing that pulled this company out of a flat spin? That guy should be forced to eat his own toenails BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT TAB TASTES LIKE! Rancid ear wax and dead man's toenails!

Last man on earth who drinks TAB.Currently trying to break his personal best on Pong.

But it doesn't stop there. Not only did they bring back TAB they also rebranded it. It's no longer a "great tasting low-cal drink" like it was in the 80s. Now it's an energy drink. Are you kidding me? TAB is an energy drink like crystal meth is a weight loss program. Just because something contains 8,000 grams of sugar, B-12 and toe fungus doesn't mean it's an energy drink. Suck a toad, Coke. TAB might cure back pimples and kill bathroom mold but it ain't no energy drink.

If you need another reason to question Coke's corporate brainwave activity go to TAB's website. In between pictures of beautiful woman not drinking TAB you can click on a link that will send you daily inspirational messages from the great sages that brought this vile pile out of the crypt. Every day you'll get nuggets like, "Follow Your Heart" and "Create Your Future" and "If Swallowed, Do Not Induce Vomiting."

Coke, in a moment of madness, ok's this commercial

Ten years later Coke has relapse and airs second creepy commercial

Random Thought: It's possible, just possible, that there has been a worse tasting soft drink than TAB. If you know of one leave a comment and The Angry Stockbroker will research it and feature it in a follow up post.