Retarded Monkeys Sink Savings Into Microsoft

Does anyone know who these "analysts" are that keep giving Microsoft a BUY rating? Has anyone ever dug up some of the names that keep pushing those little bars up on the Analyst Ratings pages? Who are these people? Huey? Dewy? Louie?

Did The Street go out and hire some pudding-brained jock straps to give us their views on Cisco Systems and the Vanguard International Growth Fund? These guys can't possibly be professional stock analysts. WHERE THE HELL WERE THE WORKING BEFORE?!?! WERE THEY SLICING POT ROAST AT THE END OF A BUFFET LINE????

When was the last time anyone made money on Microsoft? Was it 2001? MSFT has been stinking up the restroom on Wall Street since 2002. Which is exactly as long as it's been since any version of Windows has worked properly. Microsoft should change it's name to CTRL-ALT-DELETE. Would anyone get on a plane if they knew Windows 98 was in the cockpit? Ha! IF WINDOWS WAS RUNNING THE PLANE YOU'D PROBABLY HIT THE CONTROL TOWER DURING TAKE-OFF!!!

As of this evening, 15 retarded monkeys are recommending MSFT as a BUY. Did they happen to see the front page of any business section in the country? Here's a sample headline: "Microsoft Releases Security Fixes for Vista Operating System - YOU REMEMBER VISTA, RIGHT? IT'S THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SECURE!!!"

According to the AP, there's a problem in Vista's "malware protection engine" that let's hackers "take complete control" of your computer. Are you kidding me?!?! This is the most sophisticated, secure system Microsoft has ever put out and within a week someone finds a hole so big you could drive a team of constipated Clydesdales through it.

Buying Vista to keep your computer safe is like locking up your mountain bike with a yard of red licorice.

So who are these guys recommending a BUY? Has anyone ever seen them in real life? If you go to the dog track they'll be the ones betting on the asthmatic St. Bernard. What kind of brain-eating virus do you have to have to recommend anyone BUY Microsoft?

The word BUY shouldn't even be on the same page with the symbol MSFT. Instead of BUY, HOLD, SELL it should be HOLD, SELL, and MAIL IT TO YOUR INLAWS LIKE A ROTTING FRUITCAKE. There is no way anyone should be buying this stock or their jacked up operating system. They can come up with all the cutesy names they want, Longhorn, Shoehorn, Corn on the Cob, I don't care what they call it. I guarantee it's going to suck. IF MICROSOFT MADE TAMPONS YOU'D HAVE TO REBOOT YOUR PANTS!!!