Is There Vodka in the Watercooler at Apple?

$84.75? Are you kidding me Apple? $84,75? Last month we were butterfly kissing $100. What happened? How do you drop 15% in one month?

Hmm, maybe some of your shareholders accidentally erased EVERY SONG ON THEIR IPODS!!!

Last week I hooked up my iPod to a friend's computer and a small dialog box popped up asking me if I wanted to clear the contents of my iPod. Well Ol' Twitchy Mclicky wasn't paying much attention and hit the ENTER key one too many times and WHAMMO 3, 258 SONGS GONE!


What kind of a gin-soaked bedwetting programmer came up with this idea? Didn't someone at Apple walk into the break room and say, "Hey, maybe it should be that easy to erase 3.258 songs"? Why are they even asking me if I want to delete every song I've ever downloaded?!?! If I had a job selling hot pokers I wouldn't walk around the store going, "Hey, you want me to stick that in your eye?"

And it's the first question they ask too! There should be a long list of keystrokes before you even get to the self-destruct question: SHIFT- ALT - OPEN APPLE - BACKSPACE - NUMLOCK - SCROLLPAGEDOWN - FU2. There are more warning signs on my electric toothbrush than there are on my iPod. Do Not Use in Shower! Do Not Overcharge! Don't Use It On the Cat! Don't Even Think About Bringing This Into the Bedroom 'Cause That's Not What We're About!

No wonder Apple dropped $15 in one month. Half of Wall Street is suckling at Limewire's withered teats trying to reload their subway playlists.

I can hardly wait for the iPhone to come out. Oh, that's going to be a fine piece of engineering. I want to meet the deaf mute they hire to build the voice recognition software. Watch me on the street corner trying to make a call.

Me: Call Tony
iPhone: Did you say Erase Calendar?
Me: No, call Tony!
iPhone: Did you say Washington Mutual?
Me: NO! DO NOT CALL MY BANK! DO-NOT-CALL-BANK!!!
iPhone: Accessing bank account now.
Me: HANG UP!! HANG UP!! HANG UP!!!