Exxon Pulls Head Out of Butt. Declares Six More Weeks of Global Warming.

Well, Exxon finally admitted the earth was getting warmer. Really? What did it take? Did somebody's yacht hit an iceberg? Did a butler get fired over lukewarm caviar?

Last week the company said, "the global ecosystem is showing signs of warming, particularly in polar areas." Particularly in polar areas?!?! Hey, thanks for the update Professor Understatement. I saw a polar bear in a tanning salon last month. He was browning up for February. Sure the Eskimos like it. They had their first annual Inuit bikini contest last year. Maybe you saw their new calendar, "Ice Floe Honeys 2007."

Exxon said they still weren't sure how much burning toxic sludge contributed to the overall warming. Well, what else could it be moron?!?! Is the earth farting? Maybe it the collective hand rubbing of Exxon executives when they heard they made $39.5 billion in profit last year.

In 2004 they came up with all kinds of reasons the earth might be getting warmer including "solar radation and orbital changes of the earth." Are you out of your mind?!?! ORBITAL CHANGES IN THE EARTH?!?! ACCORDING TO EXXON, GLOBAL WARMING WAS CAUSED BY THE EARTH SHIVERING!

These people can sink a pipe so far into the earth they can see up a Chinaman's pant leg but they can't see how 600 million glowing tailpipes might warm up a neighborhood a bit. I CAN'T TRUST THESE IDIOTS WITH MY MONEY! NEXT TIME THEIR STOCK GOES DOWN THEY'LL BLAME IT ON UNICORNS!!!