C'mon Happy Ending!

China Life, you're killing me. You've got a billion potential customers out there but your stock's sitting on the pot like my dad after Mardi Gras. Is it payouts? Are you selling life insurance on first born baby girls?! Did somebody's garage flood in the Three Gorges? C'mon CHL! Daddy needs another plate of Pad Thai Nobody in Hunan needs bike insurance? What about renters insurance? How much could a shack cost?

You need to get out there and start selling fear. Tell them it's only a matter of time before Hu Jintao finds out about their bootleg internet connection and harvests their organs. And get yourself a cute little logo for people to latch onto like a chain smoking Hello Kitty. Something a billion Altria customers can identify with.

Three cheers and a tumor to CHL this week for signing 4.86 million new mobile phone customers this month. The decibel level of noodle house conversations is looking to triple this quarter! Can you imagine 5 million Chinese yammering into their cell phones over tea? EF Hutton's head would explode. I got into CHL when it was at $35. Now it's over $50! Ahahaha! I WANT TO SEE 500 MILLION CHINESE TRYING TO ANSWER THEIR RAZOR PHONES GOING DOWNHILL ON A TEN-SPEED WITH A BUCKET OF FISH ON THEIR HEAD!!!

You better not get cocky on me, CHL. You don't offer those stupid calling packages do you? Somebody better tell Yu Chat Long he can't have 8 million people on his Friends & Family plan.

The Angry Stockbroker is almost happy today. The Paxil must be working. I've been shooting it into the veins between my toes and it seems to be hitting faster. I'm home tonight drinking in the dark but it feels better than usual. I'm waiting for Shanghai Stock Exchange to open. Anyone know what 我的靶垛创伤 means?