Granny's Goodyear Blimp Lips

Allergan up $1.59? Are we out of our minds? Allergan are the fine folks who gave us Botox. You've seen Botox, right? It looks like this:


On the left is Bree Walker and her Willy Wonka Everlasting Gobstopper lips. She looks like that thing on the inside of my aquarium. HOW DESPERATE DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO TURN YOURSELF INTO A BILABIAL SUCKERFISH?!?! If I saw this thing while I was swimming I'd poop myself.

How has AGN shot up to $114 per share? Is this freak on their pamphlet? Would you kiss this woman? No, she could suck you in like a piece of spaghetti. Plus, if you meet her on the grassy plains of central Africa she might eat you.



And look at this woman, Lisa Rinna.



If I saw her on the street I'd take her to a shelter. Did she walk into the doctor's office and say, "Make me look like my husband just punched me in the face." Hey, why even buy collagen at that point? There are thousands of guys in every city in America who are perfectly willing to punch you in the face for a fraction of what you're paying Allergan.

You know, ladies, if you spent a little less time in the sun you wouldn't look like a leathered corpse and you wouldn't have to pay a doctor to squeeze Botox into you like he was caulking the Taj Mahal! I got news for any aging socialite reading this: self-mummification is not attractive. Not in Ramses II and not in you.

Not looking your age is desperate and creepy. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE 25 IF YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE FOR EISENHOWER!!! Plus, it's dangerous. What if some guy takes you home tonight? He's going to wake up tomorrow next to the picture of Dorian Gray. You're going to roll out of your coffin and that guy's going to swear he just saw the dead rise from the crypt.

Let's act our age and bring AGN down below $100. I don't care if you have breasts like pastry bags and your face could make a vampire turn on the light. Down with Btulinum Toxin Type A!

* Many more photos can be seen at: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/