Alaska Airlines took in $3.3 billion last year and $185 of it was mine. I remember exactly how much my ticket to LA cost last September because I got sick two days before the flight and had to cancel. I called back yesterday to reschedule and they wanted me to pay an extra $100 to change the ticket.
Are you insane?!?! First you charge me $185 to get on the plane. THEN YOU CHARGE ME $100 TO NOT GET ON THE PLANE!!! No wonder your airline's in the toilet! How much are you going to charge me for not eating the frozen cow knuckle you're serving for dinner? How much do I have to pay when you send my bags to Gizzard Lick, Wyoming?
Why was it so important that I get on the plane?!?! Was I supposed to fly the thing? Do you need a quorum to take off??
Look, it's not like I forgot to show up. I was sick. Got it? I was home throwing up lung butter. I'm pretty sure you don't want me getting on the plane with a mop and a plastic poncho. I was throwing up things I don't even remember eating. I think I saw breast milk in there from the 60s.
And now you're going to charge me $100 to type a few numbers into a computer? How does typing in a different date cost $100? For $85 more YOU WERE GOING TO FLY ME TO LOS ANGELES!!!
Are you carving these dates in the side of a mountain? It took 30 seconds to change the date of my ticket. That's about $12,000 an hour. FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY I SHOULD BE FLYING TO LA ON AIRFORCE ONE WITH DICK CHENEY ON THE FLOOR IN HIS UNDERWEAR SUCKING PEANUTS FROM BETWEEN MY TOES!!!
Tattoo You
1 year ago
1 comments:
Gizzard Lick?
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